Lower the Obesity Level

Our City Councilors have been enabling our obesity problem for too long - widening city sidewalks, strengthening city sidewalks, designating electric scooter lanes on city sidewalks - and I say it is high time we hitched up our size 54 pants and attacked this problem head-on. My solution is far simpler, and much less annoying, than diet and exercise (although, you should still do both of those things).

We all remember the 1982 lawsuit of the Thousand Pound Petersons vs. Pawnee, which literally shaped Pawnee's future. A married couple (Bryan Peterson, 605 lbs; Marla Peterson, 395 lbs) fought for (and won) tax deductions based not on the number of children in a family, but by aggregate weight. It seemed harmless at the time, but here we are 20 years later, with a written law that incentivizes weight gain, and the only two private hospitals in the country dedicated to diabetes and bedsore treatment.

The time is now, to hop on the scales (of justice!) and finally repeal the Thousand Pound Peterson Fat Tax Amendment, and then hop on to another set of scales (where you actually measure your weight) and shed some pounds. Together we can be a little less pudgy!